Out of the minds of babes. . .

This is a story my 10 year old wrote for his 5th grade "Novel" project. It is funny how the mythos of Wow and the land it inhabits is as much a part of my children as Scooby Do and Superman were in my childhood. I am uncertain if this is parental fail, or just interesting =P Of note (if you actually read the thing) Avery placed his Wow toon Dennie (gnome mage) in the battle scene.

Blitz the Mighty
By Avery Tetz
 
“AAAARGGH!” Blitz screamed in rage as he attacked the training dummy.
The alley behind the cave hut where Blitz lived was used for training with swords, bows and arrow, and, for Blitz, magic. The scarecrow-like training dummy, with its metal shield and stick in its hand, rotated like a real opponent.
A year before, Blitz’s parents were killed in the battle between Goldforge and Orcremar. Blitz fended off one wave of archers and a couple of squadrons of swordsmen and axmen, but he hadn’t gone to a full out war yet. His parents slayed fifty dwarves and sixty gnomes of Goldforge before they were hammered in the head by the king of Goldforge, Goznack. “I’ll kill every last one of those damned dwarfs!” Blitz took five more swings and stomped away.
“Blitz,” a messenger fearfully ran to Blitz. “Six teams of swords men, and three teams of axe men are attacking Orcremar! We need back up, they’re tough!” The messenger was panting from the long distance he had run.
“I’m coming to help!” Blitz exclaimed.
“HHOOOOOHOHOHO!” Blitz’s pet wolf howled as a spear struck his side.
“My wolf is coming, and he’s cut!” Blitz climbed aboard the wolf and rode off to the attack. “DIE!”
As Blitz rent one man, he flung out his weapons to kill two more. Suddenly, Blitz made a HUGE magic explosion. “They’re all dead, I like killing.”
Actually, only half the enemies were slain in the explosion. Blitz charged off on the wolf, racing up between two ranks of dwarves and gnomes. Blades sticking out, he attacked the enemies on both sides.
After the battle, Blitz was slightly relieved of the pain inflicted on him by his parents’ death. Only the total eradication of Goldforge would appease him. As he bandaged his loyal wolf, Reaper, he thought about how his parents had defended him from past attacks.
Once Reaper was cared for, Blitz charged up the hill toward the Warlord’s tent.
“I’m sick and tired of my heroic parents’ deaths not being avenged.” Blitz demanded that the orcs attack Goldforge.
“Fine. One condition, Blitz. You lead the attack.”
“I would be honored, Warlord.” He gave the Warlord a creepy smile, an evil smirk that hinted there was a plan in his mind.
The next day, at midnight, for the journey would be long, three thousand battle orcs gathered in the desert near Blitz’s house.
“All orcs of Orcremar! Gather your gear and mount on your wolves! From this day, Goldforge comes down!”
Cheering excited Blitz as the orcs under his command yelled and rattled their shields and armor. They charged forward and hopped onto a boat. They would have to travel across the ocean to reach Goldforge. Rain set the mood for the warriors. It wasn’t enough to prevent their journey; just enough to stir them up and keep them angry.
Under the ocean’s rough surface, aqua lurkers spotted the orcs’ war boats. They followed, moving into position underneath. As the orcs drew near their destination, the aqua lurkers attacked! Their curved arms ended in webbed and clawed hands that reached up for rope lines trailing from the boats. With powerful kicks from their wiry legs and webbed feet, they shot out of the water, clinging to the wooden boats with their claws and climbing aboard.
“Aqua lurkers! Position for battle!” A goblin shouted from the bow of the ship.
Goblins loaded rifles, orcs positioned swords and axes, and trolls readied their pets and aimed their bows. While the troops engaged the aqua lurkers climbing up the side, the main force of the aqua lurkers broke through the bottom of the boat and burst onto the deck behind the rows of goblins, orcs, and trolls.
The aqua lurkers took out the first wave of goblins, biting and scratching and kicking and clawing. The goblins and trolls turned instantly and began to shoot. Trolls ordered their pets; raptors, wild boars, and giant scorpions, to attack. Orcs charged through and swung their axes, hacking at the aqua lurkers.
At the forefront of the Orcs, Blitz, the strongest one, attacked with his troop, casting freezing gas to immobilize the aqua lurkers. Magically making his sword grow to a mighty length, Blitz killed most of the aqua lurkers.
“Wow,” he muttered. “I didn’t know I could do that!”
The remaining aqua lurkers fled.
“Finally, we’re there!” Blitz yelled and then whispered to himself, “And I wonder, what else can I do?”
The War Lord’s army got out of their boats and stepped onto a big field of snow. They started up a large zigzagging path where the enemy castle, Goldforge, waited for them. Goznak’s outside guards saw them and ran for the castle.
Blitz charged at the dwarf guards, using a blazing speed power he didn’t realize he had. So pumped with adrenalin, he couldn’t feel his arms and weapons heating up. They eventually caught fire, turning Blitz into an orcish meteor. Behind him, snow melted quickly. Blitz’s weapons also melted. He hit the guards with his flaming meteor hands, he was charging so fast as he hit them that he raced past them right off the hillside into the air. He bounced off the castle wall, leaving a dent and landing at the entrance. Blitz curled into a barrel roll, rolling in the melted snow to put his flames out.
The army behind Blitz was stunned by what had just occurred. One of the goblins pinched himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. The castle lay open and unguarded in front of them.
Inside the wall, Blitz and the army encountered a huge mass of dwarves and gnomes participating in a ceremony to honor their guards and troops. What incredibly bad timing! Blitz remembered the flaming ball of death trick and began to run as fast as he could. His armor started glowing and turning red. It sparked a bit before catching fire.
The gnomes and dwarves grabbed their weapons and attacked the War Lord’s army. Metal clashed as swords met axes. Blitz bounced off the wall again and hurtled toward the battle. He bashed a group of dwarves, smashing them into a red streak against the castle wall. Blitz A.K.A, The living fireball, now in the very center of the battle, exploded into a giant fiery arcing explosion. Gnomes and dwarves died painful deaths, but so did some of the orcs, trolls, and goblins. Blitz did not have time to mourn them, nor did he care to. The battle must be won!
Blitz left the battlefield and searched the castle for Goznak. In the throne room, Goznak, king of the dwarves, stood, a huge warhammer in each hand. Blitz scoffed at the warhammer which, to him, was small. Goznak’s mighty assistant, the gnome wizard Dennie, conjured a fireball and prepared to cast it at Blitz if necessary.
“The almighty half man. How impressive!” Blitz’s sarcasm rang loudly in the room, and two guards standing behind Blitz chuckled.
“You’ll never take me alive,” Goznak said.
In a high squealy voice, Dennie said, “Even if you did, I would burn Orcemar to the ground!”
One of Blitz’a grunts charged out with his axe as he tried to smack the gnome. Dennie turned one of Blitz’s guards into a sheep.
Blitz says, “Thanks, now I will have wool for a new winter blanket.”
“Baaa,” said the sheep guard.
The remaining guard laughed.
“Enough of this foolishness!” Goznak growled. He picked up a hatchet and threw it at the remaining guard, who dodged it easily.
Blitz retrieved the hatchet and threw it at the gnome. Off balance, the gnome’s spell fizzled. The guard jumped on the gnome and impaled him with his sword. Blitz snatched the sword from his guard and swung at Goznak, chopping one of his little feet off.
Goznak howled with pain, enraged, and hopped backwards. He leaped onto Blitz, clinging to him with his legs. He whacked Blitz in the face, then hooked his warhammers around Blitz’a neck, suffocating him.
Blitz responded by sticking his sword up Goznak’s leg. The dwarf lost his grip on Blitz and slumped to the floor, dead.
Blitz smashed the two warhammers together into a single lump and held them high over his head as he returned to the battlefield. The two armies were evenly matched, and they were still fighting well, although losses were heavy on both sides.
Above the battle, Blitz bellowed, “Your king is slain! His weapons are destroyed! The rest of you are now slaves of Orcemar! Come now or die!”
Most of the gnomes and dwarves surrendered, and the War Lord’s army took them captive. The remainder were slaughtered.
Blitz walked outside. Grabbing a large banner and using it as a parachute, he sailed off the cliff to the field below and landed in a pile of snow. A faint call reached his ears.
“Blitz? Blitz, is that you?”
“If you’re not an orc, a troll, or a goblin, come over here to die! I’ll hunt you down like a dog! If you’re a friend, come out where I can see you!”
Two shadowy shapes, covered in furs, moved toward him. Blitz squinted his eyes for a better look. Their faces were green. Could they be orcs? Out here? He started to step forward cautiously, and then increased his speed. Finally running at full speed, he yelled, “Mom? Dad? I thought you were dead!”
Blitz’s mom held out her arms to hug her grown son, and his father put an arm around his shoulders.
“And we thought you had died in battle long ago,” Dad said.
“What happened to you guys? Why didn’t you come home if you were alive?”
The War Lord’s army could be heard coming from the castle with their captives. There was no time for a touching family reunion.
“We’ll tell you everything once we are back in Orcemar,” Mom said.
It seemed to take hours to load the army and the new slaves, get Blitz’s parents settled, and get the boat under way. Blitz could hardly wait to hear the tale of his parents’ adventure, but he did wonder why they had never contacted him to tell him they were alive.
Upon arriving home, Blitz and his parents sat down to talk on benches outside Blitz’s cave hut.
“You were killed by Goznak in battle,” Blitz stated. “I thought you were, anyway.”
“What?” Mom and Dad spoke at the same time.
“You really thought we would die in such an easy war against half-people?” Dad was incredulous.
“Well, we were gone after the war. What else would he think?” Mom seemed to understand.
“And you never contacted me,” Blitz reminded them. “It’s been a year. Without one word.”
“We were in a coma,” Dad said.
“What?” Now it was Blitz’s turn to be incredulous.
“A tree fell on his head,” Mom explained. “It only grazed me. I awoke first and built a shelter around your father. Wolf meat kept us alive. Boar tusks made weapons and tools. I hope the dwarves like the arrows I made them.” She laughed.
“But how did Dad awake?”
“The heat of your magical fire must have warmed him enough. Do you know how cold it gets living in an ice cube for a year?”
“I awoke to the heat around me. I could see snow, but felt fire. Good thing your mother was there to fill me in on what was happening.”
“We’re so proud of you, son!” Mom gave him a hug. “We aren’t exaggerating when we say now you can take down a kingdom!” Dad broke out in laughter.
Relieved and excited that his parents were once more with him, Blitz stood up. He spotted the training dummy he had used to prepare for his unneeded vengeance. With a burst of energy, Blitz hit the training dummy so hard that it spun faster than it ever had; its arms sticking out straight like the blades of a helicopter.